Primitive Rubbish People Blog Entries

And stop being so pretentious. There’s nothing a WT hates more than pretension, and you’ll get called on it. Uncle Clyve never strutted around like he was God’s gift to women; he stayed humble and knew who he was, just a man lucky enough to possess a gift. He didn’t make women apply to go out with him, wait weeks or months before calling them back, do a little strut, and after all that, end up showing up at the bar with a skank.

You could hear the sighs of relief from parents everywhere when kids finally headed back to school last month. This is where they make their mistake. Interacting with kids is hard. You should handle playtime, and summer vacation, the WT way.

Why do they marry so quickly? Do they just like getting divorced? Just because someone is kind of hot or will buy you ugly man-jewelry after your crappy Boy Band days are over does not a true love make. Have they no idea what true love is? I suppose I’m lucky, as I saw an example of true love at age eight.

Yeah, old lady porn’s really big right now. It’s the new fetish.She’s all, Why aren’t you potty trained yet? I’M potty trained. All my friends make fun of me ‘cuz my man’s still in diapers. So I had enough and told her,Listen, beeyotch, you ain’t been no good to me since you got teeth, so get steppin’.Now she’s all pissed and saying her new boyfriend’s gonna kick my ass or some shit.

(Some people have sensitive nipples or babies who grow teeth early. Lay off, La Leche. By the way, my friend pronounces this La-Leaky which brings forth quite the stunning visual.)

I’d nod, but would always linger for one last look at Charlie-scented cleavage and teased hair. The glory of trashy hair: permed, bleached, fried and teased until it crunched, full of hairspray and feather barrettes. The crowning glory, was of course, was the bangs, teased into a ball so big it looked like a bird’s nest had been glued to the forehead.

I am now, forever, and always: Proud White Trash.