Nip/Tuck - “Reefer”

“reefer” So I’m back with a full recap this week of last night’s episode of Nip/Tuck. I actually kinda liked last night’s episode compared to the freak fest sob show we had a few weeks back. So, you know how we play it here – plot line style. Plot line number 1: Sean is a total and complete utter WRECK. Why? Well, his wife left him and took his two young children. His third son, Matt, is married to a freakorama Kimber who is all into being a Scientologist. As Sean goes to a jewelery store to buy Annie an Xmas gift, since her and Conor are coming down to spend the holiday with him, he gets a phone call from Julia telling him that Annie has strep and neither one of the kids will be coming down. Then Matt simultaneously tells him that he and Kimber will be going on a Scientology cruise and won’t be around. This drives Sean to the bar, drinking alone, and we know where this is going to end up. Next day, Sean passes by a homeless man on his way into work. He throws him a buck, but the homeless guy starts heckling him for more money. The guy says his name is Reefer – not because of that but because he surfed a lot when he was younger. Riiiiiiight. He goes in the offices to find that Diana Lubey had sent him an Xmas gift – liquor. He also finds out that Christian and Michelle won’t be around at Christmas either…Yep, I told you we knew where this was going. He starts drinking away – throws it right into his coffee mug. Skip to Sean in his office in a consultation with a woman who cannot orgasm and wants g-spot amplification. On a side note, I didn’t even know this could be done, so I was shocked and fascinated and curious at the same time. He, a little drunk at this point, takes her right into the procedure room, proceeds to give her an orgasm as he injects her g-spot with something (botox??) and voila, her g-spot was amplified. During the procedure, the woman kept moaning to him about how he should be dressing better, getting rid of his brown Brooks Brothers suits, and taking care of himself instead of others now that he was going through a divorce…like she was. Divorce bonding. Throw in the liquor and it’s a party. Hilarious to me, on a side note. Next day when Sean shows up for work, he is sporting a new Gucci suit and bumps into Reefer again. They get into an exchange about money again – does being rich make you an ahole or does being an ahole make you an ahole. To be perfectly honest with you, I could do without these moral-based dialogue exchanges. Skip ahead to Sean doing surgery on a Santa Claus who’s legs have been burned to a crisp. Actually his Santa boots are burned right into his legs. Delicious I know. Turns out he’s one of Poppy’s closest friend – Liz’s girlfriend aka Alanis Morrisette. Poppy being the “sensitive” one that she is, doesn’t see that Sean is going through a hard time, or thinks that asking him to be a mall Santa will make things better for him. So she asks him to be a mall Santa. He says no at first, but then toward the end of the scene agrees. For what reason I’m not so sure. But this decision mixed with the profound drinking that’s been going on makes me think, again, this isn’t going to end well. Post Santa operation, whammo. Here comes the orgasm lady again. Only this time, she’s not happy. She cannot stop orgasming. She demands that he do something, but…of course…Sean is drunk. She figures out he’s drunk and we all see a mega problem beginning to start. Christian comes in, offers to reverse the procedure and give her free botox as a thank you for not suing their asses. Once she leaves the room, Christian smells Sean’s cup, tada there’s liquor in it, and then the two of them delve into an angry/heartfelt exchange about how bad-off Sean is, how he is alone, and how all of a sudden it seems everyone forgot about him. Wah wah wah wah. Mall, Santa gig, chipmunk song playing. You know the song…sung by the Chipmunks about them wanting a hoola hoop. Love it. Poppy and Liz are dressed as elves. There is also a little person elf, and Liz tells her to tell Sean that his break is up and he needs to come be Santa. Of course, Sean is in the “workshop” “drinking.” This leads to a hilarious exchange where he asks her if she knows Marlowe…because all little people should know each other. The midget flirts with Sean…I’m intrigued and excited to see if she’ll follow through with this. Sean gets out there and is drunk - scaring all the children – and ruining all the Christmas pictures. Liz sends him back into the workshop to rest while she gets him a latte. As they return with the lattes the peek through the workshop windows to see the little person giving Sean a blow job. Yesssssssss. Cut to Sean sitting on the beach drinking out of a brown paper bag. And up walks Reefer. Wah wah wah emotional exchange, I want to be like you with the down dreg of society wah wah wah, no you don’t want to be like me save yourself, wah wah wah throw the bottle of Jack into the ocean. Sean notices that Reefer had a mega cut on his face – a bum fight – he was just trying to steal some money to buy a gift for his daughter who is in Foster Care. Seriously, I don’t know why we’re delving into this emotional shizz, but whammo it’s there. Sean takes Reefer to his office to fix up his face and lets him sleep in the recovery room for the night. James is the only other one staying there, so it would be quiet (ed note: the viewer knows it won’t be quiet, but that’s a different plot line). And Sean also invites Reefer to his house on Christmas and wants to give him his old brown suits. Cute. Skip ahead to Christian and Michelle’s plot line. They’re still engaged (sort of), living together, and madly in love. They were planning on taking a trip to St. Petersburg for Christmas until…WHAMMO…Wendell Sutherland, James Sutherland’s son, stops by the offices to see Christian. His parents were killed in a car crash the week before, and James named Christian as Wilbur’s legal guardian. Chrtistian is shocked and confused at this news. The brothers didn’t want Wilbur – in fact, he said that Wilbur coming into the family kind of ruined/changed their family dynamic and created a lot of tension. If Christian doesn’t take Wilbur, he will end up going into Foster Care. Cut to Christian talking to Michelle about Wilbur. She doesn’t want the kid. She wants to know if Christian had to make a choice, would he choose her or Wilbur. Christian wants her to see how it goes, he wants her to meet him…if it doesn’t feel right they’ll talk about it then. This conversation is interrupted by a nurse storming in the room with news that Escobar Gallardo sent a Christmas ham. They, of course, call the FBI, and are promptly notified that the FBI will be installing surveillance to watch the premises 24/7 to ensure their safety. Which cuts to Michelle telling James that she can’t stay there any longer unless she wants to get caught, because of this surveillance. This is just a teaser for the next plot line. Tada, now Christian is at home waiting for Wilbur, and he’s nervous. Wilbur comes in and he’s older, and much bigger than Christian remembers. He runs to Christian’s arms and calls him daddy. Christian starts crying he’s so happy. This is actually a really adorable moment even though it’s super cheeseball. I’m into it. I’m into this plot line. They are now decorating the tree when Michelle walks in. She gets a HUGE smile on her face. And all of a sudden, we can see they are a family. Which is cute. But I know it’s not going to end well because eventually someone is going to figure out what she is doing in those offices with James. Which leads us to plot line 3! James and Michelle and the kidneys. We all know this isn’t going to end well, and this week’s episode was the umpteenth of many clues that we’re going in a bad, bad direction. As I mentioned before, Michelle told James that she basically had to go to jail or get out of the offices because the FBI folks would catch her and Michelle would not be accountable. Of course, this is waaaaaaay too easy. Skip ahead to the night Sean is in the offices with Reefer giving him some stiches post bum fight. James’ cell phone rings and it’s that crazy Asian dude speaking French. He tells her that she’s not made her holiday quota and they need a kidney from her by midnight or…else. Dum dum dum. Oh my goodness, surprise surprise, there happens to be a homeless man sleeping in recovery who has no life-value to James. We allllllllll know where this is going, right? Out comes the booze, she drugs him, and the next thing we see is… Michelle getting a phone call on her cell when she is with Christian and Wilbur at home. She books it to the McNamara/Troy offices where she finds Reefer completely mutilated on the operating table. James didn’t just take his kidney this time – she murdered him and took every single one of his organs. James threatens Michelle into helping her dispose of Reefer’s remains in the form of cutting him up into little pieces and carrying his body out in Santa sacks so as to fool the FBI guards monitoring the property outside. Of course, when they actually carry the sacks of body parts out, the FBI agents are mega suspicious, and even though the ladies get away with it…I know, I KNOW that something is going to happen and they’ll get busted. WAIT AND SEE.

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