Nip/Tuck: “Conor McNamara 2026″
Episode opens with a 20-year-old Conor McNamara sitting in a shrink’s office talking to him about life, his parents, and his upcoming surgery. He’s decided he wants to be a plastic surgeon like his daddy – how cute – and…he also wants to be able to unhook chicks’ bras. He says how his mother always told him girls would love him for who he was inside, but…come on…all of a sudden I’m flashing back to the argument Sean and Julia had about the surgery in the past few episodes – and Julia’s argument that the world should accept his disability apparently did not win 20 years later because now Conor himself wants his hand fixed. The interesting thing here, though, is this scene is setting up the premise that we all knew would happen and feared would happen – Sean and Julia are going to split up. Conor says he wants to know the real reason why they split because to him it doesn’t make sense why a couple who had been married for over 20 years splits when they have a six month old baby. Oh…if he only knew…
The shrink asks if Conor has any memories of the split – he says no because he blocked it out. I say, “hey, you were six months old.” What six month old remembers anything, let alone details of his parents divorce? His brother, Matt, wasn’t around much (because he was dealing with psycho Kimber) and Annie says that the week they broke up was crazy…and…wait for it…oh, wait for it…YES, flashback…which, is really a “real time” back…
There was a hurricane – Hurricane Lenore. Cut to Sean watching a news special about the hurricane. He seems pensive and distraught. He and Julia are now lying in bed talking about the hurricane. We, the audience, become aware that Conor is supposed to have surgery on his other hand this week because Julia’s all “What about Conor’s surgery? What if the power goes out?” Nice way to bring it all around. I like it. He asks why Julia hasn’t asked about Monica. She says she knows why he did it and it’s the same reason she had an affair with Marlowe. It’s pretty obvious that they’re metaphoring this category 5 hurricane to their marriage. Bad dream, sometimes you survive, buckle down, blah blah blah. I sense that this is going to be an ongoing metaphor throughout this episode, and I am officially afraid.
Cut to Julia and Conor who are with Marlowe in his studio and he’s packing. Based on the conversation, it appears that he is moving to Florence, Italy. It was in Florence that he became enamored with art – where he knew he wanted to be a painter. Oh, hello, it appears that Julia is going to Italy with Marlowe and she’s taking Conor. Wablam. But, the catch is S\she tells Marlowe that they’ll meet him in Florence in about a month because she’s decided to let Sean operate on Conor’s other hand. Marlowe is furious, and starts feeding Julia the guilt-infused speech about Conor not having a voice to defend himself and how she is his voice. Julia is completely conflicted – her own emotions, Sean’s, Conor’s, Marlowe’s…BOOM. Sean wakes up, like from a nightmare – as if the scene we just saw was his worst nightmare, and he looks over and Julia isn’t in the bed. Oh, it was his worst nightmare. He gets out of bed to go look for her and she’s in the kitchen. Julia tells Sean that she’s leaving, she’s taking the kids, and there’s nothing he can do. Somehow says that Sean’s career has infected their lives, and she is so obsessed with appearances that she doesn’t know who she is anymore. Sean begins to flip his shizz, throws a cup, crying ensues shortly followed by begging and pleading for her not to leave.
Cut to Sean coming in from being outside, and he’s drenched – from literal rain and the emotional weight of his life crumbling on top of him. Ok, I added that last part, but with all the melodrama in this episode, it seems fitting. Annie’s on the couch watching news about the hurricane, and says doesn’t see the point of cleaning her room since she’s not going to be living there much longer. Annie is clearly upset about the divorce – Sean tells her it’s not her fault, and she promptly then blames it on Conor asking if Conor could go with Julia and if she could stay with Sean. We see where that is going, hmmmmm…..? They lose power. Boom! The power comes back but it’s Julia in the living room alone. There is a knock at the door – it’s Marlowe. Julia says she’s not going with him to Florence or anywhere – she needs to take care of herself – she needs to be on her own. Marlowe, of course, freaks out and starts blaming it on his size. It’s clear he is in love with Julia, and Julia says it best when she says they share a love for Conor and that’s all they have. OUCH. He’s obv hurt in his Peter Dinklage kinda way, but wants to say goodbye to Conor. The storm metaphors in the episode is enough to make me vomit. Marlowe starts crying – “wah wah wah, you can whether any storm thrown your way…” Julia comes in, and then Sean walks in. Ok, peeps, this is where the episode officially starts getting EFFED UP WEIRD. Sean obv wants to know why Marlowe’s there and Marlowe’s all “I wanted to say goodbye to Conor, but…also apologize to you…” and he launches into this crazy heartfelt speech about apologizing for lying but how much he loves his son. Oh, wait, but then SEAN gets emotional and tells Marlowe that he was a great friend to Conor and he hopes that he’ll stay in Conor’s life. This isn’t even the weirdest thing to come, so if you want to throw up now, just stop reading.
And we’re back to 2026, Conor’s with the shrink, and the shrink wants to know what happened to Marlowe. Conor says they’re still close – Marlowe is actually his godfather and he’s very close with Marlowe’s son, Zack, who is a year younger than Conor. OF COURSE IT ALL WORKED OUT PERFECTLY. Uh oh, time’s up! But Conor panics because he doesn’t feel any resolution and his surgery is two days away. This shrink gives really good advice, and should be paid a fortune…she wrote sarcastically. The shrink told Conor should talk to his family and that Conor won’t know if they actually can be in a room together and get along unless he tries.
Cut to dinner with Conor, Julia, and Annie. Annie is thirty and exactly the person we knew she’d be when she started blaming the divorce on Conor “20” years prior. She is freaking out, classic “middle child” syndrome, tries to make everything about her because she thinks no one pays attention to her, whines, oh the list goes on and on. It’s about now we realize the three of them are sitting at a table for six – but…who are the other three seats for we ask in a Scooby Doo-ish kinda voice. Sean walks in – no one knew the others would be there. The fighting starts immediately. In walks Christian – pimped out with two women.. The others seem happy to see him Christian whereas no one was happy to see Sean. I’d love to know why the writers felt that the social commentary about gay marriage made sense in this dialogue or this scene, but … we’ll let that one go. Christian demands that Julia and Sean make nice – so they start trying to be nice to each other. Yeah, like that would happen. Sooo awkward. In walks Matt, and it turns out that Matt is the one doing Conor’s surgery – who knew Matt became a world class plastic surgeon. That must have happened sometime after the whole Kimber thing gets resolved, which I’m going to assume happens before the end of Season Four.
And…we’re back in present time, which is the past in this episode. Sean is with Matt in the house. Drunk. Very, very drunk. Sean is trying to get Matt to evacuate because, you know, the hurricane of a lifetime is coming, and Matt is trying to get Sean to evacuate. We have a case of mutual evacuation…ing. Sean is freaking out – Matt refuses to leave Sean…Sean breaks down crying, Matt hugs Sean. It’s…so…heartwarming. Of course in between all the heartwarming goodness was a lot of “stay with your family and protect them – I couldn’t do it but you still can…” talk. I need therapy after this episode.
Flash forward to the future/present time depending on what episode/time warp you live in– Sean and Matt are in the waiting room before Conor’s surgery. Now we have a really weird back and forth scene – you know the type – where there are two separate conversations happening, but…they’re about the same thing…and edited together to make it seem like one conversation. Right. So, Matt/Sean have one convo and Julia/Conor have another. The gist of the convo(s) is – why Sean isn’t doing the surgery instead of Matt/why Sean doesn’t want to stay to watch Conor’s surgery. Both Conor and Sean think it’s “my fault.” And by “my fault” I mean their fault because I am totally innocent here. In the end, we get lots of resolved emotion and maybe even a hug. I was so overcome with the unadulterated love fest of this episode they are all blending together. Cut to Sean and Christian eating in a cafeteria – as old people – talking about how they admire Julia’s decision not to have work done. Talking about a new franchise opening in Beijing. Talking Talking Talking. It’s by far their longest lasting relationship, and it’s good to see that people can stay together for that many years – at this point, they’ve got to be clocking close to 50 years as friends. I mean, really. Conor shows up – asks Sean to be in the surgery with Matt. Sean says but what about your mother. Conor says it was her idea. And VOMIT with the weird family bonding stuff. The music is, like, making me flash back to going to the opera with my grandmother. Ugh, the whole thing is killing me.
And…surgery. I inserted Mission Impossible music to this scene…in my own head of course.
Sean comes to tell Julia the surgery was a success, and whammo – it turns out Annie’s been arrested for stealing pain killers from the hospital pharmacy. This is where I think the episode has a fighting chance – a saving grace…
Annie’s outside – freaking out. Gives a whole spiel about how they were awful parents, and that is why she is the effed up woman that she is. You just think, will this girl shut up. And by you I mean me. I think – these guys will get their old nuts back and tell her to stuff it. But no, they kowtow to her! They start apologizing. She starts crying. OMG, and now they’re all friends again. What the hell is going on? You think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. Like that, they’re laughing and crying and … happy.
Cut to Conor with Marlowe in the hospital – the whole family then comes in. Awkward. Annie is like a totally different person – she’s happy, smiling, calls her little brother who she used to see as the devil incarnate by a playful nickname. Iin walks matt and Christian. I swear to God, I thought I was watching a MAD TV spoof of Nip/Tuck. Conor wants a family picture. Sean holds Julia’s hand in said family picture. Everyone is happy. THIS IS SO WEIRD.
Cut to Conor in therapy – showing the shrink the hand. Conor launches into this speech about kismet with the surgery timing – about how that must be why he didn’t have the surgery before he did because this had to be when he had the surgery in order to bring his family back together again. Holy shizz. Is this episode for real? Conor tells the shrink he can’t imagine his parents ever really loving each other, but he wishes they did.
And present day – post hurricane. Driving through looking at the wreckage. And wait for it…Julia says: “people rebuild, that’s what we do.” Of course that’s what we do, Ms. IXNAY ON THE HURRICANE CUM LIFE REFERENCES. Sean takes Julia, Annie, and Conor to the airport so they can catch their plane to New York. And this is it, kids, the end of the McNamara marriage. And of course, even though this is the worst episode of the ever, I still tear up at their final goodbye…because I’m a sucker like that.
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