Uncle Clyve Takes On Blogging Networks

My Uncle Clyve was 25 and lived in his friend’s garage. He drifted from job to job and had one outfit: a pair of tattered blue jeans and three black hard-rock concert shirts he rotated each day. He was okay looking, nothing spectacular, and Mensa wouldn’t be calling him any time soon. But in spite of all this, man oh man, the dude had a way with the ladies.

He lived rent-free so all of his money went towards dates. Anytime you saw Uncle Clyve out on the town, there was some lady on his arm, giggling and nuzzling his ear. Women stared after him with longing, men with jealousy, boys with awe. Uncle Clyve had something. Maybe it was his old fashioned ways: opening the door, always paying for dinner, bringing flowers. Not the usual behavior in our family, and he would’ve caught hell for it if he wasn’t always bringing home hot chicks my boy cousins could hang around.

The high school boys would often drift over to Uncle Clyve’s garage apartment to seek advice, and I took to stopping by there on summer days for this very reason. Once, Uncle Clyve confided to me the secret of his success.

“There’s just one thing you gotta remember, Rooster.” He took a swig of beer and combed his curly blond hair before continuing. “It’s like this. There will always be a lot of tail wagging at ya, but you’ve got to be choosy. That’s all there is to it.”

It came from a White Trash man with a second-rate past and no hint of a future, but it was a wise lesson. One that could apply to anything in life. I’ve used it plenty myself, in different ways, and I’ve noticed that successful people also have this trait.

Which brings me to a topic rather prevalent in my life right now: blogging networks. What a wonderful opportunity. What a sad thing for so many people to screw up.

There is so much hype every time a network comes out, much of it centered around the number of blogs it will contain. There’s the problem right there. Anything concentrating on quantity must sacrifice some form of quality. I mean, Uncle Clyve COULD have dated a lot more women. He spent plenty of nights over in our yard, teaching us to ride ATVs, or out fishing in the river, or at home watching Nascar. He could’ve dated plenty of more women, women willing to give it up on the first date and cook him a huge breakfast in the morning, women willing to give up their lives to do his bidding. He could’ve dated some of these women just for the better digs, getting a real bedroom instead of a greasy garage with no A/C. But he didn’t.

Take a look at a typical blog network. Now, the wonderful thing about networks is that it gives people who love quality writing a chance to find it, and it gives quality writers a chance to connect with readers, which is all a writer really pines for in their soul. Too bad most networks don’t take advantage of this. Have you noticed the content? Lame, lame, and lamer. Most do contain some great writers, too, but they’re buried in the rubble, which is truly a tragedy. Good writing is a rarity, but it’s worth the effort to find it. Uncle Clyve could’ve had tail every night, if he was willing to settle for women with greasy hair or missing teeth or man hands. But he waited it out, for the gems to come along. Networks, you need to take a lesson from my uncle.

And stop being so pretentious. There’s nothing a WT hates more than pretension, and you’ll get called on it. Uncle Clyve never strutted around like he was God’s gift to women; he stayed humble and knew who he was, just a man lucky enough to possess a gift. He didn’t make women apply to go out with him, wait weeks or months before calling them back, do a little strut, and after all that, end up showing up at the bar with a skank.

He knew what quality was. He went looking for it, and if he didn’t find it, he was patient. He knew he’d find it one day.

You know what would really impress me? What kind of hype I would embrace? A network that debuts with much fanfare, with only one blog. Who then says that everyone should read the content carefully, and if they have the same quality to their writing, then they too will be welcome. Who respects quality so much that they’re willing to wait, and look, for it. So maybe you only debut one new blog a week. Or month. Or every few years.

Take a lesson from my uncle, Blogosphere. You’ll be glad you did. And so will the readers and advertisers.

So whatever happened to Uncle Clyve? He found a true quality woman and got married. My Aunt Lisa was smart and beautiful and could tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue. A definite keeper. Of course, always a lover of quality, Uncle Clyve sometimes couldn’t resist a new addition to his network, if you will. Aunt Lisa shot him in the leg one day when she found him enjoying some quality. She’s in prison now.

Uncle Clyve is doing well, and his dance card’s always full. So remember, networks: There will always be a lot of tail wagging at ya, but you’ve got to be choosy. Let that be a lesson to us all.

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 10th, 2005 at 7:47 pm and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.

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